So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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