we're chasing vodka with high fives
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize