Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
