I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
