my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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