I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
did i walk over a car last night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
