dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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