i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
