Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
