do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
