bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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