afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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