They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In other news, I just burned my penis
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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