I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
