those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
