why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
