I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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