is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Two words: nipple clamps
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