All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize