They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
