i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize