You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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