I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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