in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
