My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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