Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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