He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
