apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
