I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
