I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
