someone threw a dead crab at me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
