All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
