I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
