So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
