I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
