Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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