i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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