The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
