? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
