I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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