Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
