would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
