it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In America we eat man semen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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