Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
