hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
