Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
