my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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