Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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