Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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