There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sober January is a disaster.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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