Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
