The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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