I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
