Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
