My boss' voice literally gives me gas
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
