Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
