I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are we still banned from the library?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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