i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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