All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
