This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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