I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize