does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
