Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
