:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
