genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Help. Why am I so naked?
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