Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
