What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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