he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
