Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
