whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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