how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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