Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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