You're so nebulous sometimes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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