do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
