I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
