I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
