and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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