There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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