i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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