OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
