just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
