I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
