My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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