What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
