Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
