just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
