My friends, they love my intelligence
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
