Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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