hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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