i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
