i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
