i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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