saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
