I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
