Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
