I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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