Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize