I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
is wine microwaveable?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize