I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and she was petting her beer can
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
