im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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