we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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