I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
