if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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