so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
