I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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