Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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