I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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